HEAVY METAL
The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess. And then writes a song about it.
POWER METAL
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, tames the dragon using his guitar, takes the mighty beast as his new steed, then flies up to the highest tower, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.
THRASH METAL
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her, very fast in that order.
FOLK METAL
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments. The dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then they all leave.... without the princess.
VIKING METAL
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle to the ground before leaving.
DEATH METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess, kills her and leaves, all the while screaming horrific bullshit.
BLACK METAL
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, then kills her before drinking her blood in a satanic ritual. He then impales her next to the dragon.
GRIND METAL
The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...
DOOM METAL
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, he then gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of that sad story.
GOTHIC METAL
The princess in a velvet costume starts singing soprano. The protagonist completes the duet by adding the beast part, while the dragon plays the flute. Suddenly he swallows up the pipe and accidentally scorches the princess and the protagonist and chokes to death. Their souls are damned in the fires of hell for all eternity.
PROGRESSIVE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo for 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the HEAVY METAL protagonist.
INDUSTRIAL METAL
The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes an obscene gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.
SPEED METAL
Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someone's screaming weird stuff, princess realizes she's been deflowered. The dragon and the princess are still looking for the one who did this.
CHRISTIAN METAL
The protagonist rides in on his way home from mass and sings a mushy power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and when the princess wants to 'thank' the protagonist he replies, "sorry love, but I don't believe in having sex before marriage."
GLAM METAL
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle pink.
BATTLE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a legion of a hundred brave footman, war chariots and a dozen elite warriors and, as a master tactician, flanks the dragon in a bloody siege that lasts six hours. The princess gets bored and leaves, searching for the POWER METAL protagonist.
NU METAL
The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his stupid fucking baggy clothes catch fire.
EMO
The "protagonist" arrives and just moans about how hard it'll be to get the princess to fall in love with him; the dragon eats him. The princess is delighted, as he was a whiny little faggot.
