Worst Critically-Praised Album
Joanna Newsom - Ys
If you've read about Joanna Newsom's album "Ys" then you probably expressed feelings of intrigue, excitement and eagerness to listen. If you've listened to Joanna Newsom's album "Ys" you probably expressed a similar feeling to that of when KISS first removed their makeup: disturbed, disappointed, and left asking "Why?". Why are all these critics praising a woman whose voice is so is so irritating that upon listening to it you would rather be at a three hour lecture on the biology of laughter taught by Fran Drescher? Why are all these critics praising songs over ten minutes filled with pedantic (the album's named Ys.) lyrics about nature and animals on top of monotonous harp twanging absent of any form of rhythm or melody?
What is happening is the general public is getting to close to the esoteric indie crowd, which is increasingly becoming less esoteric. "Uncultured boors" are attending their "Clap Your Hands Say Yeah!" concerts, so they had to take the unlistenable and pop-insensibility to the next level. They crowned Joanna Newsom's Ys as a masterpiece simply so when detractors question their judgment they can utter one of their favourite platitudes with a smirk: "You just don't get it." Which I would reply with a fist in their black thick rimmed Lisa Loeb glasses. Joanna Newsom's album deserves none of the praise it had received the past year; it's an annoying bore that is only being pushed by a very sinister indie agenda. It's only fitting to give it Worlds Greatest Dad: Worst Critically Praised Album.
-Basil "Zorg" Andrews