Bejbe Kompajler Posted May 1, 2008 Report Posted May 1, 2008 (edited) бесмислени вицеви су закон!!! Иде човек улицом и паде с терасе Лошми, љуби те тетка у та исправљена бубњарска леђанца!!! митја мавааааааааа Edited May 1, 2008 by ЛемурДијете
cutak Posted May 1, 2008 Report Posted May 1, 2008 (edited) Sedi krava na jabuci i jede sljive, kad odjednom prelece konj i pita: "Jeli kravo kako jedes sljive na jabuci", a krava ce njemu : ''Ja sam sljive ponela'' . :) Sto volim besmislene viceve ! Sede 2 slona na grani. 1. leti a 2. pogotovo. Uzeo slep covek turpiju. Pipkao je pipkao... 10-tak minuta... A onda je bacio: "Piii, nista gluplje skoro nisam prochitao..." Razgovaraju dva tipa u pustinji. Prvi: Znaš li koliko je sati? Drugi izvadi toplomer, pogleda i kaže: Danas je deseti. A prvi kaže: Hvala, ne pušim. Kupac se zali prodavacu: - Jucer ste mi prodali jetrenu pastetu, a tamo nema ni traga od jetre! - Nema ni u vojnickom pasulju vojnika, pa se ipak tako zove! :) ahahahaha ") ") ") ") ") " ) qay, nece da mi uradi quote!! qe-0fe-f q34-um2tg20 -04w-0g-0ufgfsg SVi me volu ahahha Edited May 1, 2008 by loshme
Andrija Smith Posted May 1, 2008 Report Posted May 1, 2008 Zašto je pile prešlo ulicu? Mayhem: To worship satan! Najjace od svega hahahahahahah
Melodicus Deathus... Posted May 2, 2008 Report Posted May 2, 2008 Udje desetogodisnja Ciganka u radnju i trazi prezervativ. Prodavacica je pogleda i kaze: - Zar ti, tako mala? Pa jos ti curi mleko po bradi. Cigancica uzvrati: - To nije mleko, glupaco... //////////////////////////////// Pita Ciganka Cigu sta znaci rec "situacija". - Pa "situacija" ti je kad dodjes kuci s' posla i zateknes mene i komsiku kako vodimo ljubav. Tek ce Ciganka: - Znaci, situacija je kad dodjes kuci sa posla i zateknes mene i komsiju kako vodimo ljubav? - Ne, zeno, nemoj da mesas batine sa situacijom. ////////////////////////////// Naterala Ciganka sina da se okupa. Pocne da trlja mali Ciga, trlja, trlja pa vice kevi: - Mamooo, skinuo sam prvi sloj! - Ako, ako, samo ti trljaj. - Mamooo, skinuo sam i drugi sloj! - Ako, ako, samo ti trljaj jos! Prodje jos malo kad Ciga poce sav radostan: - Mamooooo, nas'o sam onu majicu sto sam izgubio prosle godine!
Melodicus Deathus... Posted May 2, 2008 Report Posted May 2, 2008 Sto da ne? /////////////////////// Izlazi covek iz zgrade i ispred vrata ugleda Ciganku sa malim detetom. - Daj gospodin' 5 dinara za moju Dobrilu. - zavapi Ciganka. - Ma nosi se bre! - ljutito ce covek. Sutradan, u otprilike isto vreme, isti covek izlazi iz zgrade, vidi istu Ciganku sa istim detetom. - Daj gospodin' 5 dinara za moju Dobrilu. - zamoli ga Ciganka opet. Covek se sazali na tuzni prizor i pruzi 5 dinara Ciganki. - Evo, izvoli Dobrilu. - rece Ciganka i pruzi mu dete.
The Joker Posted May 2, 2008 Report Posted May 2, 2008 Bull and Turkey A turkey is chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighs the turkey, "but I just haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replies the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecks at a lump of dung and finds that it actually gives him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reaches the second branch. Finally after a week, there he is proudly perched at the top of the tree. Unfortunately he is spotted by a farmer, who shoots him out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Andrija Smith Posted May 2, 2008 Report Posted May 2, 2008 Udje desetogodisnja Ciganka u radnju i trazi prezervativ. Prodavacica je pogleda i kaze: - Zar ti, tako mala? Pa jos ti curi mleko po bradi. Vec sam ovde pretpostavio kraj vica
Melodicus Deathus... Posted May 2, 2008 Report Posted May 2, 2008 Dosao Ciga kod frizera: - Dobar dan, jel' moze jedno sisanje? - Moze, - odgovori frizer - kako zelite? - Pa ovako kume, sa jedne strane mi ostavi jednu rupu velicine pesnice, a sa druge 3 manje rupice. Nazad repovi da mi budu neravni, a siske da mi idu nakrivo... - Nisam siguran da mogu tako da vas osisam. - A prosli put si mogao, pizda ti materina!
The Joker Posted May 2, 2008 Report Posted May 2, 2008 (edited) Sister Marie Murphy approached Mulligan's bar. On the step outside he was accosted by a nun, Sister Marie, who said: 'Surely a fine man like yourself is not going into this den of iniquity? Surely you're not going to waste your hard-earned cash on the devil's brew. Why don't you go home and feed and clothe your wife and children?' 'Hang on, Sisters,' spluttered Murphy. 'How can you condemn alcohol out of hand? Surely it's wrong to form such a rash judgement when you've never tasted the stuff?' 'Very well,' said Sister Marie. Till taste it just to prove my point. Obviously I can't go into the pub, so why don't you bring me some gin. Oh, and just to camouflage my intent, maybe you should bring it in a cup not a glass!' 'OK,' said Murphy and into the bar he breezed. 'I'll have a large gin,' he said to the barman. 'And can you put it in a cup?' 'My God,' said the barman, 'that nun's not outside again is she?!' Edited May 2, 2008 by The Joker
Melodicus Deathus... Posted May 2, 2008 Report Posted May 2, 2008 Zasto divlji vepar ne moze da jebe domacu svinju? Zbog kontra navoja. ///////////////////////////////////////// Ime grada Meksiko Siti je nastalo tako sto su se puz sa kucicom i puz golac sreli pre 2.000 godina na prostoru gde se sada nalazi ovaj grad. Puz sa kucicom je pipnuo ovog drugog i rekao: - Mek si, ko si ti? /////////////////////////////////////////////// Sta ispadne kada se ukrste pit-bul terijer i pudlica? Ispadnu pudlici oci.
The Joker Posted May 2, 2008 Report Posted May 2, 2008 IVL-e,sve su ti gori vicovi,mozes ti to bolje Sta se dobije kad se ukrste buva i slon?Nobelova nagrada. Sta se dobije kad se ukrste flomaster i hemijska olovka?Nista,hemijska nosi spiralu.
Dersu Uzala Posted May 2, 2008 Report Posted May 2, 2008 The Cowboy and the Indian Cowboy: 'That your dog?' Indian: 'Yep.' Cowboy: 'Mind if I speak to him?' Indian: 'Dog no talk.' Cowboy: 'Hey dog, how's it going?' Dog: 'Doin' all right.' Indian: (Look of shock!) Cowboy: 'Is this Indian your owner?' (Pointing at the Indian...) Dog: 'Yep.' Cowboy: 'How's he treating you?' Dog: 'Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play.' Indian: (Look of total disbelief.) Cowboy: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?' Indian: 'Horse no talk.' Cowboy: 'Hey horse, how's it going?' Horse: 'Cool.' Indian: (Extreme look of shock!) Cowboy: 'Is this your owner?' (Pointing to the Indian...) Horse: 'Yep.' Cowboy: 'How's he treating you?' Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the weather.' Indian: (Look of total amazement.) Cowboy: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?' Indian: 'Sheep is liar.' --------------------------- Idu dva balona pustinjom. "Pazi, kaktusssss!" --------------------------- Idu dva balona pustinjom. "Pazi, centrifugaaa-aaa-aaa-aaa." --------------------------- Sede dva molekula na banderi i pisu razglednicu u boji svome dedi. Naravoucenije: svako telo potopljeno u PTT gubi prividno onoliko od svoje tezine koliko je njime stavljeno do znanja upravniku biblioteke. --------------------------- Sretnu se filatelista Sima i tigar Bendzamin. Naravoucenije: svako je kovac svoje srece a mala Mira je bolnicarka u Vrscu. Najjaci su bili Minimaksovi "vicevi bezveze".
The Joker Posted May 2, 2008 Report Posted May 2, 2008 Ono sa kaubojem je zakon,hehehe....da nastavim sa irskim vicevima... Murphy lay in hospital covered in bandages head to foot - with just two little slits for his eyes. 'What happened to you?' asked Cassidy. 'I staggered out of the pub and a lorry hit me a glancing blow and knocked me through a plate glass window.' 'Begod,' said Cassidy. 'It's a good job you were wearing those bandages or you'd have been cut to ribbons!'
Sisus Posted May 2, 2008 Report Posted May 2, 2008 Zasto divlji vepar ne moze da jebe domacu svinju? Zbog kontra navoja. Jbg, ovo razumeju samo veterinari.
Andrija Smith Posted May 2, 2008 Report Posted May 2, 2008 Hahahaha sta li je Indijanac radio ovci hahahaha :lol:
Lukijan Mušicki Posted May 2, 2008 Report Posted May 2, 2008 Jbg, ovo razumeju samo veterinari. Hoces da kazes da ne razumes?
Sisus Posted May 2, 2008 Report Posted May 2, 2008 Hoces da kazes da ne razumes? Hocu da kazem da razumem. A jel ti razumes?
The Joker Posted May 2, 2008 Report Posted May 2, 2008 Ja razumem,samo zaboravim sta je znacilo....Weeee...
Lukijan Mušicki Posted May 3, 2008 Report Posted May 3, 2008 Hocu da kazem da razumem. A jel ti razumes? pa da ja ne razumem, ne bih tebe pitao i stavio ona dva smajlija... jbg, ipak ja idem vec 11 godina u razred sa seljacima (ne mislim "seljaci" kao SELJACINE, vec pravi seljaci...)
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