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Posted
(717): i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent

:ph34r:

 

Bash.org ? Potencijalno, ali jos je "mlad" sajt pa im mala arhiva.

Ispravljam se, bash.org je nenadje*iv :D

kad se setim onog lika sto se usr'o dok je spavao s one night stand-om... brrr :)

Posted
(551): Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead

(201): NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"

 

:) :) :)

Posted

Rodi se dete, i cim je izaslo iz stomaka rece: -Dajte mi kompjuter, moram da pisem programe. Vide doktori da je dete inteligentno, i izvade mu pola mozga. Dete se osvesti i rece: -Dajte mi digitron, moram da racunam... I doktori mu izvade i drugu polovinu mozga, i cim se dete osvestilo rece: -Sta je, sta me gledate picke? Vadite bre licne karte!

Posted

Saga of Bloodninja

 

Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?

MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?

Bloodninja: What like gardening an s**t?

MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.

Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out

Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.

(pause)

MommyMelissa: is that it?

Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.

Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?

MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?

(pause)

Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.

Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.

MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.

Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.

Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.

MommyMelissa: ...

Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.

MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.

Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. B**ch.

MommyMelissa: whatever.

Posted

I.F.: My s**t is hard you ready to jump aboard?

1hOttYeVe: oh yea im so wet right now

I.F.: Why you just shower?

1hOttYeVe: no im wet for you

I.F.: Did you ever play with supersoakers when you were a kid? or that gator s**t you would dive and slide down, there was that badass pool at the end of it.

1hOttYeVe: What the f**k are you talking about? You wanna cyber or not?

I.F.: I do! Sorry...I just didnt know why you were wet...then you say your wet for me, and im thinking I didnt even throw water on you...

I.F.: Im sorry lets continue!

1hOttYeVe: alright then...I walk over to you and start kissing your neck and chest

I.F.: I pop like 16 boners

1hOttYeVe: what the f**k!

I.F.: what?

 

:)

Posted

bash.org copypaste:

 

<born1986> why the fuck isn't my disc drive working

<born1986> i fucking worked on that essay for three friggin' hours in school

<born1986> i now i cant finish it 'cos my fuckin drive ain't working

<Z00ass> you got the right drivers?

<born1986> hell yes

<born1986> it was working fine yesterday

<born1986> why does this shit always happen to me?

<Z00ass> maybe that little clip on the side is i nthe wrong position

<born1986> i havent touched it since school

<born1986> i'm growing impatient

<born1986> ANGRY even

<Z00ass> throw that shit out tha window

 

. . .

 

<born1986> OMG i fuckin did it!!!

<born1986> FUCK!!!!!

<Z00ass> it works?

<born1986> no, i threw it out the window

<Z00ass> the disk?

<born1986> NO the whole drive

<born1986> i live on the 6th floor, made a nice *smash*

<Z00ass>

<born1986> FUCK SHIT FUCK

<born1986> THE DISK WAS STILL INSIDE

<born1986> brb

 

. . .

 

<born1986> shit

<Z00ass> what? did ya break it?

<born1986> well i couldn't open the drive

<born1986> so i had to pound it against a rock

<Z00ass>

<born1986> quite HARD

<born1986> and you know what?

<born1986> that fucking disk wasnt even there

<Z00ass> ???

<born1986> i got so mad i threw the remaiders of the drive on to the freeway

<born1986> and when i got back upstairs i foud the disk inside my bag

<Z00ass> lol

<born1986> I NEVER EVEN PUT IT IN THE DRIVE

<born1986> i'm actually cryin right now

 

. . .

 

<born1986> wonder if i could make that drive work again

<born1986> brb

 

:lol::)

Posted

Зашто се недељом не играју мечеви на Вимблдону?

Зато што је тај дан резервисан за Чака Нориса који игра егзибициони дубл меч против самог себе.

Posted

Učiteljica predstavlja novog učenika Hakira Suzukija iz Japana.

Počinje sat i nastavnica ispituje:"Sada ćemo vidjeti koliko poznajete američku povijest. Tko je rekao "Slobodu ili smrt?"

Odjednom tišina i samo Suzuki digne ruku:"Patrick Henry godine 1775. u Philadelphii"

"Vrlo dobro Suzuki. A tko je rekao: "Država je narod i kao takva nesmije nikada umrijeti?"

Suzuki ustane: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863. u Washingtonu."

Nastavnica strogo pogleda učenike pa reče: "Sramite se! Suzuki je Japanac pa poznaje američku povijest bolje od vas."

Tihi glas iz kraja razreda: "Jebite se, posrani Japanci!"

"Ko je to rekao?", vikne učiteljica.Suzuki digne ruku i reče: "General MacArthur, 1942. na Guadalcanalu, i Lee Iacocca 1982. na skupštini dioničara Chryslera, Detroit."

Razred je u tišini - samo se iz pozadine čuje: "Puši kurac!"

Učiteljica sva izvan sebe: "Sad je kraj. Tko je to rekao?"

Suzuki:"Bill Clinton Monici Levinsky, Oval office, 1997. u Washingtonu."

Drugi učenik se prodere: "Suzuki je govno!"

Suzuki: "Valentino Rossi u Rio de Janeiru na moto Grand-Prix Brazila2002."

Razred pada u histeriju, učiteljica u nesvijest, a na vrata ulazi ravnatelj škole:"U pičku materinu, još nikad nisam vidio takav kaos."

Suzuki: "Premijer Hrvatske, ministru financija prilikom predstavljanja državnog proračuna, Zagreb, 2009."

Posted
Је л' мораш увек на свакој теми да оставиш своје цењено мишљење? :udri:

 

 

Zasto da ne upropasti dobar vic kad vec moze? On je to vec citao, i to je bitno.

 

Pa kad znam za njega od pre dve godine, a nastao je pre 6-7. Niste otkrili Ameriku s tim vicom.

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