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Gde ste vi živeli?

1. Takva pisma često pišu ljudi koji rade za časopis koji ih objavljuje; ili ih kradu iz drugog časopisa gde su drugi ljudi pisali.

2. Sećam se jasno da su takve gluposti iz takvih glupih časopisa čitane na odmoru, naglas, uz podsmevanje, pa i prepričavane posle. Čak izmišljane. Dakle čak i da neko šalje takva pitanja, verovatno se glupira.

Edited by Hérétique
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Ljubavne definicije...Maznuto od Bananaman-a... :mhihi:

 

 

Veza = Proces trosenja ogromnih kolicina novca, vremena i energije s ciljem boljeg upoznavanja nekog ko vam se trenutno ne svidja narocito, a u buducnosti ce vam se verovatno svidjati jos manje, a sve radi seksa.

 

Laka zena = Termin koji se upotrebljava za opisivanje zene s moralnim vrednostima muskaraca.

 

Prijatelj(ica) = Osoba suprotnog pola s nekom ocitom fizickom manom, zbog koje je seks s tom osobom nezanimljiv, sto cini tu osobu pogodnom za razgovor i zajednicko opijanje.

 

Nimfomanka = Termin koji muskarci koriste kako bi opisali zenu koja zeli seks cesce od njih.

 

Trezan = Stanje u kom se nije moguce zaljubiti.

 

Iritantna navika = Ono u sta se pretvori necija simpaticna navika koja se na pocetku veze opisuje kao "hemija".

 

Privlacnost = Cin povezivanja napaljenosti s nekom odredjenom osobom.

 

Ljubav na prvi pogled = Upoznavanje dvoje jako napaljenih ljudi koji nisu narocito izbirljivi.

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Ima li duhovitih ovde?

 

 

samo ti.

lete tri ptice, a dve narocito.

 

 

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.

 

Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer."

 

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large "kegs". Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them.

 

A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.

 

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women whom they would never normally be attracted.

 

After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred.

 

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship."

 

In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage." Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know.

 

If you fall victim to this "Beer" scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men.

 

For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the phone book.

 

For a video to see how beer works click here:

 

http://www.brackenspub.com/beer.swf

Edited by feyd
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~BLUES RULES:~

 

1. Most blues begin "woke up this morning."

 

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line.

 

"I got a good woman,

with the meanest dog in town."

 

3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes. Sort of.

 

"Got a good woman

with the meanest dog in town.

He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher

and he weighs 500 pounds."

 

4. The blues are not about limitless choice, convertible debentures, golden parachutes, BMWs, opera, or environmental impact statements.

 

5. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues transportation is Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

 

6. Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing the blues. Blues adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

 

7. You can have the blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just a depression. Chicago, St. Louis, Austin and Kansas City are still the best places to have the blues.

 

8. The following colors do not belong in the blues:

 

a. violet

b. beige

c. mauve

d. taupe

 

9. You can't have the blues in an office or a shopping mall - the lighting is wrong.

 

10A. Good places for the Blues:

 

a. the highway

b. the jailhouse

c. an empty bed

 

10B. Bad places:

 

a. Ashrams

b. Gallery openings

c. Weekend in the Hamptons

d. Trump Plaza

 

11. No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old black man.

Yes, if:

a. your first name is a southern state -- like Georgia

b. you're blind

c. you shot a man in Memphis (see exception below)

d. your woman can't be satisfied.

 

12B. No, if:

a. you were once blind but now can see.

b. you have a trust fund.

c. you hold elected office.

d. your woman CAN be satisfied.

 

13. Neither Julio Iglesias nor Barbara Streisand can sing the blues.

 

14A. If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it's the blues.

Other blues beverages are:

a. cheap wine

b. Irish whiskey

c. muddy water

 

14B. Blues beverages are NOT:

a. Any mixed drink

b. Any wine Kosher for Passover

c. Yoo Hoo (all flavors)

 

15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to die.

 

Other blues ways to die include:

a. the electric chair

b. substance abuse

c. being denied treatment in an emergency room.

 

It is NOT a blues death if you die during a liposuction treatment.

 

16A. Some Blues names for Women

a. Sadie

b. Big Mama

c. Bessie

 

16B. Some Blues Names for Men

a. Joe

b. Willie

c. Little Willie

d. Lightning

 

Persons with names like Sierra or Sequoia will not be permitted to sing the blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

 

16C. Other Blues Names (Starter Kit)

a. Name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Asthmatic)

b. First name (see above) or name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi)

c. Last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)

 

For example, Blind Lemon Jefferson, Anorexic Willie, Cripple Chirimoya, or Asthmatic Kiwi Fillmore.

 

SONG WRITERS ADHERING TO THESE RULES WILL BE AUTHENTIC BLUES WRITERS!

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Tokom simpozijuma pivara, uvaženi učesnici požele nešto da popiju. I tako... predstavnik Heineken-a naruči Heineken, onaj iz Goesser-a naruči Goesser, onaj iz Stelle naruči Stelle pivo, samo Irac iz Guinessa naruči Coca Colu...

 

- Dobro čoveče, gde nađe da na simpozijumu pivara piješ Coca Colu?

 

- Pa, reko, kad vi nećete pivo, neću ni ja.

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Tokom simpozijuma pivara, uvaženi učesnici požele nešto da popiju. I tako... predstavnik Heineken-a naruči Heineken, onaj iz Goesser-a naruči Goesser, onaj iz Stelle naruči Stelle pivo, samo Irac iz Guinessa naruči Coca Colu...

 

- Dobro čoveče, gde nađe da na simpozijumu pivara piješ Coca Colu?

 

- Pa, reko, kad vi nećete pivo, neću ni ja.

 

Mnogo jaka fora! :) :)

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Apotekar mu daje kondom, a mladic izlazeci zastane pa se vrati:

"Molim vas dajte mi još jedan kondom, zato što je i sestra moje devojke slatka, a uvek prekrsti noge na tako provokativan nacin da ja mislim da i ona nešto ocekuje od mene!"

Apotekar mu daje i drugi kondom, kad se mladic opet obrati:

"Najzad, dajte mi još jedan kondom, jer je mama moje devojke jako zgodna žena, a kad god me vidi ona pravi aluzije ... a pošto me je ona pozvala na veceru, mislim da i ona nešto ocekuje od mene!"

Za vreme vecere, mladic je sedeo sa svojom devojkom s leve strane, dok su sestra i majka sedeli nasuprot njima. Kada se pojavio otac, mladic je spustio glavu i poceo da se moli:

 

"Dragi Bože, blagoslovi ovu hranu ... hvala ti za sve sto nam daješ................ ...!!!"

Par minuta kasnije mladic se dalje molio:

 

"Hvala ti Bože za tvoju milost............... ..."

Deset minuta kasnije, mladic se i dalje molio držeci glavu pokorno spuštenu. Drugi su se gledali iznenadjeno, a najviše se cudila njegova devojka. Približila mu se i šapnula mu na uvo:

 

"Nisam znala da si toliko religiozan!!!"

A mladic joj odgovori:

 

"Ni ja nisam znao da ti je tata apotekar!!!

 

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Novi poštar, prvi dan na poslu.Ulazi u zgradu, prvi sprat, zvoni na vrata...Ništa.

 

Kuca....Ništa.

 

Vidi on, vrata malo odškrinuta, pa uđe sam, veli , aj' da ipak ljudima predam poštu. Kad je ušao ima sta da vidi:

Stoji žena i gnječi sopstvene sise, a neki tip jebe babu i drži otvoreni kišobran u ruci. Sav zbunjen, postar zbriše iz stana i ode na drugi sprat, pozvoni na vrata i otvori mu neki frajer.

-Jebote, šta sam sad dole video, u stanu ispod vas, u pizdu materinu. Uđem ja, unutra neka žena gnječi sise, a tip jebe babu i drži otvoreni kišobran...

-Ma, ne brini se ništa, poštare, oni su ti gluvonemi pa tako komuniciraju. To žena kaže mužu: IDI PO MLEKO, a on joj odgovara : JEBEM TI MATER, VIDIŠ DA PADA KIŠA !

 

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